Has winter already come?
Even though I didn't feel autumn, I feel cold now.
Usually when the seasons change from summer to autumn I become sick due to my allergies. I remember that I was sniffing a lot around the time of the annual Cultural Festival at school. Now I show signs of symptoms but I still feel OK. I really can't afford to catch a cold now.
At this time of the year I tend to catch an affectation; this is much more troublesome than a cold. The affectation caught up with me this year. After TGS it has become most troublesome. Loneliness. I feel almost to the point of being crushed by it. Isolation!
I must press through this. I should shop for a new leather jacket; a new jacket will protect me from the loneliness carried on the wind.
Whenever new people arrive it means that people must also leave. I want to enjoy the pleasure of being around other people, so I am saddened when they leave. Each person has his own way of living, own way of thinking. The path that each of us takes differs from the decisions made by others, and that's simply the way life is. There isn't much that can be done about it.
I tend to misunderstand the relationship that I hold with my staff when we have worked together for a long time. Some might liken them to war buddies, instead I tend to think of them as family. Yet they are not my family. They have their own homes, their own families, to care for. I cannot keep them for myself; I wish them all happiness.
A professional organization needs to experience the purging, replacement, and activation of some of its parts to some degree. One might compare it to the functions of a biological cell as the cell lets go of old materials, brings new materials in, and then puts the new materials to work. Regardless, for myself, I become too depressed if I think about the moment between the last time I cross a person's path and the beginning of the time during which I will never see the person again.
We have spent so much time together, we have practically lived together! So when the time comes to part, the experience feels like fate, like destiny. That is why I want them to succeed, why I want them to find happiness.
When I think of them as old war buddies, I want them to continue moving forward, to continue enriching the time that we worked together by reflecting upon the past through their future work.
Regardless of the perspective, I cannot ignore my loneliness. It is impossible to share one's life with everyone.
Long before I founded Kojima Productions I worked in Development Division 5 with ten people on my staff. Because of the time that we spent together in and out of the office, we grew close to each other like a family. Weekends and holidays – we were always together. During the Kobe earthquake we took care of each other. I shared everyone's burdens. After some time I didn't even need to speak; I could read their condition by the expressions on their faces in the morning.
I am no longer in a position to experience that intimacy anymore. Now my staff numbers over one-hundred people. Limits are placed on how many people I can talk to in a day; I feel as though I should communicate with everyone.
At lunch I purchased Franz Ferdinand's second album at Tsutaya. The work is flawless. It's so perfect that it almost disappoints me. The guy has talent!
I checked but it seems that there is no limited edition for this album yet. I also checked on the release date of New Order's DVD. That will be out October 5th.
This evening I found time to play the main story mode on Subsistence between meetings and time spent with visitors. I must have played through the ending several hundreds of times by now, and tonight I still had difficulty escorting Eva through the jungle. The Boss was difficult, too. At first I thought that I must have been playing the PAL version’s Normal difficulty. When I brought it up to Matsuhanan, however, I learned I had been playing the Japanese version's Normal mode.
Maybe I’ve lost some of my skills. Aside from that it seems that the new 3D camera makes the gaming experience seem new again.
The ending credits are longer than in Snake Eater because Subsistence has required us to bring in more staff. This time around I have assisted in music editing. When I watched the ending credits of Subsistence, I found "Hideo Kojima" listed among the names of others like Noriko Hidaka in the dubbing credits. Seeing my name there makes me feel a little self-conscious.
Tomorrow I will begin double-checking the reissued version of the MSX version of Metal Gear, including the sound. Not many people on staff know about the MSX version. I appreciate how clear Makyamon's memory remains about his experiences as an MSX gamer. Thanks to his careful work, the tone has become closer to the original sounds of the SCC sound source.
I should confess. I put a few little easter eggs into the MGS4 trailer shown at TGS. There are some ideas that we borrowed from Snatcher, like the Neo Kobe environment and the "Find a House!" puzzle. One of these easter eggs is the sound played
when Metal Gear Mk-II (operated by Otacon) appears in front of Snake. When Otacon says, "It's me, Snake!" you can hear the metallic sound effect from the MSX version behind Otacon's words. No one seems to have caught on to this yet.
Again Makyamon deserves credit. He recorded the sound directly from the MSX. His attention to such details – and his keen sense of observation – really illustrates the idea of Ota-Damashii.
We are in the process of converting the images of cutscenes in Subsistence to 3D. To better view the images I have attached the TOBIDAC!D SOLID EYE to the computer monitor. It's strange. When I watch my staff put their faces up to the monitor, I feel as though I am witnessing the dawn of a new direction in our culture.